December 19
What is the task? To stand firm like a rock on which the surf breaks — and to remain so gentle in doing so that no one feels the hardness except the surf itself.
after Meditations IV.49 (freely developed)
Listening mode
What is the task? To stand firm like a rock on which the surf breaks — and to remain so gentle in doing so that no one feels the hardness except the surf itself.
When you turn something down and stay friendly while doing it, you may hope to make it easier for the other person. Often it is the other way round. An irritated no gives him something to hold on to: he can complain about your tone, or wait for you to give in once the anger has passed. A calm no leaves only the matter itself, and nothing about that changes.
So it may be your very composure that he finds hardest to bear. He gets no quarrel in which he could turn out to be right. He only runs up against a limit that does not move and does not apologise for it either.
Anyone standing by sees something else: a polite exchange in which nobody raised their voice. If he then reacts as if hurt, he easily comes across as oversensitive. Yet he imagined nothing. He was the only one who tested how far you would give way, and so the only one who noticed how little.
Perhaps it was right that you stayed where you were. If he later says you were hard, the others contradict him. You don't necessarily.
