December 17
If something external pains you, it is not this thing that torments you, but your judgement about it. And to wipe out this judgement is now in your power.
Meditations VIII.47
Listening mode
If something external pains you, it is not this thing that torments you, but your judgement about it. And to wipe out this judgement is now in your power.
A remark lasted perhaps three seconds. You have been carrying it around for days, and with each replay it gets a little more precise: you add the tone of voice, the look that went with it, the intention behind it. At some point the version in your head is sharper than what was actually said. Nobody else put that part into words.
Still, it is hard to let go of. The judgement doesn't feel like an addition, but like a remnant of self-respect. If you stopped weighing up the slight, it would look as though you had accepted it. As though it had been all right after all.
Perhaps that is exactly where the confusion lies. That something was not all right is something you can hold on to and also say out loud, even to the other person. The judgement that torments you usually says something else: what the remark proves about you, how else it might have been meant, what you should have said back.
This second judgement does not defend you. It just plays the three seconds over again.
