June 4
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now — when?
Sayings of the Fathers (Pirkei Avot) (freely rendered)
Listening mode
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now — when?
Standing up for yourself and being there for others can be offset against each other surprisingly well. You want to ask for time for a project of your own, but not now, when everyone is short-staffed anyway. You want to help a friend with her move, but only once your own week is manageable again. Both reasons are decent. Neither of them is a lie.
The difficulty is that they prop each other up. Consideration for others excuses putting yourself off. Concern for yourself excuses putting others off. The result is a balance that, from outside, looks like good sense. You weigh things up, no one loses out – only, on both sides, little happens.
The weighing itself isn't wrong. There are weeks when really only one thing is possible. Still, an account that always balances remains a strange thing. Perhaps it only balances because nothing in it ever gets paid.
The friend has set a date for the move by now. It falls in a week that isn't manageable yet.
