April 8

When you write an apology, you are probably already thinking about the reply. You picture the other person reading it and choose your words so that reconciliation remains possible. In the process, one sentence too many about your situation at the time easily slips in, and one too few about the harm you caused.

Only on a second reading do you notice how much the letter is already preoccupied with the outcome. It doesn't just ask for forgiveness, it courts it. That's understandable. Hardly anyone says something difficult without hoping it will make a difference.

Still, the letter changes if you set the reply aside for a while. You can become more precise, especially in the places where you come off worse. Whether that makes forgiveness more likely, you don't know. It may go the other way.

In any case, this looking away never fully succeeds. You send the letter, and in the days that follow you check your phone more often than you would admit. What the letter says is still what happened.